2018.05.19

The picture used for this post is to remind me that shit like what happened in Vegas last fall happens all the time in America.  I hate that.  I don't quite know what to do about it though.  It certainly won't be typing "thoughts and prayers" in a comment section to feel like I'm doing something.  I'm finding more and more I have this feeling of anger towards humanity as a whole, and that's a small problem.  I'm conflicted because I'm finally affecting change in my life and getting over my anxiety, and yet it's like there's a parallel ghost inside me.  I get these weird feelings like happiness, but I haven't eaten too much over the past three days, and I have stopped sleeping for longer than three hours at a time.  I worked this morning until I was tired enough to nap.  I'm going to go into my other job after I get some more writing done here.  (sidebar: first chapter of my book is finished finally, at least in the first draft.  This may not seem very exciting, but I'm proud of it)  I'm staying positive, but I don't like coming home to an empty house.  I don't like being harassed into hanging out with people out of guilt when I don't feel comfortable.  The nicest I've felt in weeks was last night when talking to this couple who opened up a rotisserie chicken joint.  They were friendly, and talkative, and we were just kind to one another.  I just want people to not hurt each other.